The trouble with not blogging for a while is getting back into the routine – something which I have not been doing quite that well for the past few years. It’s been mainly health related. I’ve been driving through the issues, making myself my own project. The hardest part was getting started.
I won’t bore you with the health stuff. I will say it’s improving, from the treadmill to tucking parts of myself back where they belong to getting rid of infections (not Covid-19). The part I’m going through now, some oral stuff, had my dentist tell me, “You will feel like a weight has lifted off of you” a week ago, and despite my cynicism at the time, I feel he may be right.
This got me into reading up on chronic infections and their effects. It’s a real thing that we don’t think about enough, perhaps because when we’re suffering from a chronic infection our energy levels drop and self-sabotage sets in.
I tried to make it into a metaphor about life and relationships because that’s what I do when I am convalescing between being poked and prodded. In that, I failed, so we get this bit of writing instead.
Most of my life has been putting others first, which I do not regret. I tried thinking of why that is, and I came up with values that were instilled in me by society and those around me and a library or two of books. We all want to be one of the ‘good guys’, those white knights riding around saving the world from itself because our stories, our fictions, are about that. We love those stories. Like sponges we soak them in, and if those around us think it’s not enough, they do their best to shove more in.
There is a price to be paid, though, which doesn’t fall under ‘happily ever after’. If we put others first all the time, eventually it catches up with us, so it’s important to be selfish just enough to keep going.
Ebb and flow.