Rob The Great Garden Gnome considered himself one of the best garden gnomes known to the world. This you can tell by the name he gave himself.

This did not make him special; it made him just like every garden gnome out there.

Surrounded by zombies, he stoically did what he was very good at. He stood very still.

However, in his mind, he was solving the problems around him, worried about the zombies. Did they eat garden gnomes? They didn’t seem very discriminatory in their diets. The best way to handle things was to stand still.

Rob survived the zombie apocalypse, obviously, because Robert was just a garden ornament who thought highly of himself. He had no incentive to deal with the zombies since they weren’t actively interested in him – he thought it was because he was staying still so well, blending into his environment, but really, he just didn’t have a pulse. The fact that he couldn’t do anything never occurred to him.

The fact that he should do something never occurred to him.

To this day, most people haven’t even heard of him because, despite his high opinion of himself, he couldn’t tell the humans when they were around, and after the zombie apocalypse, he couldn’t tell the zombies.

The lesson is that in the end, if you want to survive the zombie apocalypse, you have to be a garden gnome. You’ll be just as useful before and after it.

Tip your hat the next time you see a garden gnome. They’ll be around after you are.

It was just a weird image I accidentally created while trying to do something else, so I felt compelled to tell the boring story.